I just want you to know that I’ve just spent three sodding hours trying to get you to go back to sleep after you decided that 1am was a good time to wake up, so we tried the usual rocking, bouncing, cuddling, singing, shushing and tears from both ends..
You must think I’m silly when you close your eyes for a good few minutes, only to open them again. I saw you were asleep, you can’t trick me.
I promise you that sleep is a good thing, I know you want to see everything and not miss out but I can assure you, the only thing you’re missing out on at this time of the morning is a grumpy and frustrated mummy, definitely not worth it.
You can flash me those little smiles as you can sense me getting stressed, I’m not going to smile back, nope, not going to, you can’t make me…
Let’s try standing up, bouncy bouncy bouncy, yes, your eyes are closed, that was quick, better stay stood up for a few extra minutes just to make sure..just as I’m about to go back to the bed, you magically wake up and start looking round the room..really? Just really?
Well it worked quickly first time so let’s bounce again, bouncy bouncy.,,bouncy, bouncy, bounce..bounce..bouncy, bouncy, no? Really! That 30 second eye closing session was all you needed..fine, well I’m not standing up on my half asleep legs anymore..back to sit on the bed we go..
Let’s cuddle and rock, I secretly enjoy these cuddles, skin to skin never gets old, so I take that moment to play with your hair and kiss your head, whilst you snuggle against my chest, I calm myself down and take some deep breaths..
Let’s start on the rocking now, back and forth, back and forth, help yourself to boob, you latched on? Great lets carry on…
35 minutes later…4 separate occasions of closing your eyes and you’re suddenly fascinated by your hand, just go to sleep, please.
When all else fails, I bring out my singing skills, so without further ado I bring you “sleepy girl”, yes I’ve made up a sleep song, with a few lines followed by mummy loves you, it’s more of a hope that you’ll listen to the words and fall fast asleep..obviously you just end up looking at me and smiling, so decide to merge all the ways it get you to sleep, so now I’m singing, bouncing and rocking at the same time, you look tired, you close your eyes but open them almost straight away..patience is running thin now, so I lay you down on the bed and walk away for a moment, I was tempted to scream into a pillow but there’s still time for that! I shed a little tear, it’s all a bit too much now, it’s been 2 hours..
After a few deep breaths I pick you back up and we rock stood up again, you seem very tired now but Right now I’m not bothered if you decide to stay up!
We sit back on the bed and have some cuddles.. you then decide you want my other boob, you think you deserve milk after all this, sure why not, help yourself, I’m pretty much wide awake anyway, wait, you’re going to close your eyes, oh but I can’t stop rocking or you’re going to wake up, fine I’ll keep going, I’m sweaty and knackered at this point but hey what’s a little more gonna do! Oh you want me to sing as well, sure lets do it!
I start stroking your hair out of your face and your eyes close, contentness has hit, I may have just found something new, you look super sleepy, eyes half open, legs snuggling into sleep position against me, I mustn’t get excited…
And after 2 hours and 50 minutes, you have given up and fallen asleep, and what am I doing? Feeling bloody guilty that I felt frustrated, had thoughts of not giving you siblings because it was such a stressful night, leaving you on the bed for a moment to compose myself and shouting ABBIE more than once… it’s not like you’ve done something super naughty but I guess I’m only human, a very tired human and you’re just a little girl, you’re healthy and happy so I should be grateful for that.
I love you